Reading: Psalm 22

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It was the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter of my senior year at Loyola. I was in Florida surrounded by family and loved ones. In stark contrast to the sunshine and palm trees, the mood was uneasy, tense, and somber. Our hearts felt hollow, and numb. Instead of mourning the death of Jesus, we were mourning the loss of my 23-year-old cousin Connor who had died by suicide several days earlier. Flooded with grief and sorrow, we spent our time sharing memories, asking hard questions, and wondering why. Why did this happen? How could this have happened? Why did God forsake us?

That morning before the visitation began there was time set apart specifically for family members to walk up to the casket and say goodbye. As I made my way through the double wooden doors that led way to the sanctuary, I was greeted by a sharp crispness in the air, one that was defined by finitude, grief, and the pains of human reality. Alongside one of my cousins, I made my way to the front and said my tear-filled goodbyes before taking a seat in one of the pews. 

As I sat down, I heard the doors open from behind us and turned to see my aunt, Connor’s mom, walking through the doors into the sanctuary. She was flanked on both sides by my cousins, her remaining son and daughter. As she walked towards the front, she stumbled with almost every step, my cousins holding her up to keep her from collapsing. It took everything in her to make what seemed like a mile-long walk to the casket. To see the pain, the sorrow, the agony at the loss of her son… it was unbearable. Worse than saying my own goodbyes was seeing the grief of a loving mother say goodbye to her son.

Looking back, I can’t help but imagine that is how Mary the Mother of Jesus felt on the day her son was crucified. And not just Mary, but God the Father as well.

Sometimes it can feel like God has forsaken us, that he is far away, and does not answer our cries (vs 1-2). When I wonder where God is in the suffering, I am reminded that he knows suffering all too well. God has not ignored us or turned his back on us, but instead he has heard our cries for help (vs 24). He responds with a story of redemption and resurrection that none of us deserve, but could only hope to be true.

While my cousin’s death didn’t have the same resurrection ending as Jesus’ did, we know that death does not have the final word and we trust that we will see our sweet Connor again in heaven.

And so, we wait. We sit in the already but not yet of death and resurrection. We have hope. Hope that comes when the new day dawns. But until then, we lament the pain and the hardships of this life. We turn to God in our confusion and unknowns. We ask ourselves “Why oh God have you forsaken me?” and we sit and wait, knowing that our God hears every cry and every prayer. And through it all, he has resurrection and new life waiting for us on the other side.

Reading: John 18+19

If you haven’t had a chance to read John 18 + 19 yet, pause on this reflection and go do so. Take some time to read these chapters in full. Don’t rush, don’t skim. Place yourself in the moment of time as these scriptures narrate Jesus’ journey to the cross. Notice the moments of tension, disbelief, and sorrow. Imagine how Jesus might be feeling in these situations. Notice how you yourself are feeling as you read.

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If you grew up in the church like I did, you are probably very familiar with this story. Jesus is in the garden with his disciples when he is betrayed by Judas and arrested by the soldiers and temple guards. He is questioned by the high priest and tried before Pilate meanwhile Peter denies Jesus three times. Pilate finds Jesus not guilty yet on behalf of the people, releases Barabbas instead of Jesus and turns Jesus to the crowd to crucify him. Jesus dies a painful death on the cross but is resurrected 3 days later paving the way to salvation and new life for those who believe in Him.

Pretty straight forward, right? Maybe but maybe not. I think the narrative of Jesus’ journey to the cross can easily become “just a story.” A repetition of what Christians have always heard and always known. When we take the time to sit in the scriptures, though, we realize that Jesus’ death is much more than just a series of historical events. It’s a traumatic narrative of betrayal, abandonment, loneliness, injustice, and mockery that ends in the beating, flogging, and murder of our sinless Savior.

As I read our scripture passage for today, feelings of unease and discomfort quickly rose to the surface of my heart and spirit. I was tempted to brush them off and put up a wall between me and the traumatic nature of Jesus’ death. What a paradoxical luxury to be able to separate myself from the discomfort and pain of the man who died so that he would be able to meet me in my pain and my discomfort and take away the death penalty of my sin.

Isaiah 53:3 says that “He was despised and rejected – a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.”

I wonder if that’s sometimes how we respond to Good Friday. We turn our backs and look the other way. We skim over the events of the day and dissociate ourselves from the pain that Jesus endured on our behalves so that we don’t become uncomfortable. I have been convicted today of the harsh reality of Jesus’ suffering and subsequently have been invited to sit in Jesus’ pain, knowing that He is always ready and willing to sit with me in mine.

Jesus understands pain. He understands loneliness. He understands abuse and mistreatment and injustice. Whatever situation you’re in, Jesus understands. Will you set aside time today to try and understand his?

As we read and reflect on these passages of John, would we be reminded that we follow a Jesus who can relate to us; would we recognize that the death of Christ is just as important as his resurrection; and would we respond to the suffering and pain of Jesus as he does ours.

So, on this Good Friday, we sit. We mourn. We acknowledge the pain and suffering Jesus experienced. We repent of our own apathy. And we wait…

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Reflection Questions:

• In this passage or reflection, where did you notice moments of tension, confusion, sorrow, or other emotions?
• How do you imagine Jesus might have felt in these situations? How does that make you feel?
• How does Jesus meet you in your own pain and suffering? What does it look like for you to reflect upon his?

Reading: John 13:1-17, Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet

The story of the Last Supper is one of my favorite passages in Scripture. Every time I read it I am given the sense I am at the movie theatre watching a really important scene unfold. The story opens with suspense by telling us that Jesus knows the hour has come for him to leave this world and go to the Father… We think this means he is going to die, and many of us know this, but we are still left hoping for a different outcome every time… What follows are beautifully poetic words noting how Jesus has loved this motley crew of disciples until the very end… His disciples don’t know what the reader knows: this will be their last supper.

The suspense builds as we find out that Judas has been prompted by the devil to betray Jesus. What will our Lord, our hero, our Messiah do next? If we have any familiarity with traditional heros, we know he must do something. What follows is the extraordinary claim that Jesus knew the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God (v. 3). We are led to believe that Jesus is getting ready to punish evil and stand victorious over the evil doer in his midst. But does that happen? No. Instead, what happens next is Jesus gets up, removes his garment, and instead of wrapping a towel around his fists, Jesus wraps a towel around his waist. He puts on the appearance of the person with the least authority in society and the lowest authority in the room. He lowers himself, he fills up a basin of water, and he begins to wash his disciples feet.

At this point, we are given a dialogue between Peter and Jesus, of which much can and has been said over time. But this is not the dialogue I want for us to focus on today. Instead, I want to focus on a different disciple. The disciple who the story tells us is the villain. I want to focus on Judas. The question I want you to think about is whether or not Jesus washed Judas’ feet? Read the story again. Does it say Jesus washed his feet?

I contend that Jesus washed Judas’ feet, and it is perhaps one of the deepest images The Bible can offer in our spiritual lives. I contend that Jesus washed Judas’ feet because the first verse tells us, “loving his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.” Judas was one of Jesus’ own. This is a Biblical fact. We know that Jesus was not afraid to call out Judas for his betrayal (“What you are about to do, do quickly.” John 13:27), but he was also not afraid to love him. Jesus also says to Peter, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” And in Jesus’ mind, Judas had a part in Jesus, until the very end. Without a doubt, Judas had his feet washed.

But even though Judas had his feet washed, something went wrong. Something interfered with the outward washing from Jesus that carried the power and possibility of so much more. Judas was outwardly clean, but even Jesus did not choose to dictate the decisions of another person’s heart. Jesus loved Judas enough to give him the dignity to choose. Jesus loved Judas enough to choose to love him anyhow, no matter what was going on and no matter what was about to happen. Jesus loved Judas enough to offer him freedom. And if we are honest with ourselves we are probably more like Judas at times in our life than we care to admit. Maybe this is why even Jesus ends this scene with his disciples by reminding them that now that they know these things they will be blessed if they do them. For Jesus did his part in loving us and loving his disciples, and until he comes again he is patiently waiting for us to do the same.

I chose to focus on Judas because all too often I do not do the right thing. All too often, I struggle with questions of suffering and brokenness in the world and they significantly interfere with my actions towards God. But today, I chose to focus on Judas because even Judas was washed. Even Judas was loved by Jesus until the very end. Our Teacher and Lord does not deal with disobedient students the way the world or the movie theatre does. Instead, Jesus loves us in the most powerful way that any Father can. He loves us by being completely vulnerable. He loves us as he washes us with the gifts of life and mercy. In doing so he gives us the freedom to decide how these good gifts will be received. Will we let the significance of God serving us penetrate our hard and selfish hearts? Do we have faith that as long as there is breath in our lungs that God is waiting on us to let him truly wash us, and for us to know we are forgiven?

The story of Judas ends in tragedy. And not because Jesus could not forgive him. The story of Judas ends in tragedy because Judas could not forgive himself. Our story in John reminds us that Jesus had already forgiven him for what he had done and what he was going to do. Jesus washed Judas’ feet because he needed him to know that. The story of our Christian faith proclaims the dignity and freedom that it is up to us to decide how we will respond to God’s love. My prayer today is that we may see ourselves in Judas. And may we allow God’s forgiveness to wash over our hard and stubborn hearts when we do.

Reflection questions
As Jesus was washing Judas’ feet, what might Jesus have felt? How might Jesus have prayed? What allowed Jesus to do this?
Is the same power that was given to Jesus in the role of a servant available to you? What would that look like? What people has Jesus placed next to you at the table?
As the semester comes to a close, what does it look like for you to be faithful like Jesus until the very end?

With servant love,
Alec

Reading: John 16:16-28, Your Sorrow Will Turn Into Joy

Two things stick out to me in this passage.  The first comes from the first verse in this section: Jesus went on to say, “In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me.”  Upon hearing this, and upon a certain familiarity with the events that are about to unfold, it is easy for me to think that all this means is that Jesus will be crucified and that Jesus will rise again.  But when I read this story again this morning, I can’t help but wonder if this is the only meaning for us in these words. It is clear that when Jesus was taken from the cross and placed in a tomb he was with his disciples no more.  But what about many of us today who pray to God and God remains silent (Mark 15:34)? Have you ever felt or questioned if God is really with you? Isn’t the honest Christian the one who can say that more often than not, our eyes do not see and our ears do not hear?

“In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me.”

As Christians we contend, if you can’t see God you are living into the experience that Jesus is preparing his disciples for…  And if you can’t see God, you are living into the experience that Jesus experienced on the cross…

And if you can see God, you are living into the experience that Jesus prepared his disciples for AFTER a time where they could not see Jesus…

Those who praise Jesus are not the ones who have lived without doubt or without need, but those who have persisted through a time of not seeing Jesus, until after a little while, they have seen and encountered the RESURRECTED LORD!

Second, I wanted to point to verse 22, “…Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.”

I want to put these words (borrowed from a Pastor in Philadelphia) alongside our current cultural moment:

“According to the University of Washington’s Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation, this week will nationally be the worst week for Covid-19 infections in the US.  Any situation, good or bad, has its peak just before things change. As a wise person once reminded us, “It’s always darkest before dawn.” Things always seem worse just before they get better. This was also the worst week for Jesus. Arrested, denied, tried, betrayed, beaten, accused, lied on, abandoned, mocked, scourged, questioned, nailed, flogged, stabbed, laughed at, crucified, dead, and buried. But I will remind you, that on the first day of the next week…….”  -Pastor Cean James, Grace Christian Fellowship

I don’t claim to know that our curve will flatten starting next week or on Easter Sunday, but I do know that Christians have a story that knows a thing or two about grief and loss.  Christians, as far as I am aware, are also the only ones who can claim that our God came and EMBODIED pain and grief. For most gods, God is supposed to be above death, and above suffering…. But our God is the God of heaven AND earth!  Of grief, and JOY! A God of death AND resurrection–for how could resurrection even be possible without DEATH….

So church, this week may we journey with Christ through HIS story in a world that is more similar to our own than our midwestern niceness would often admit… May we earnestly grieve and earnestly pray so that we may see God, and so that no one may take away our joy (John 16:22).  Our cultural moment couldn’t line up much better with the story of our Christian faith this week. May God give us the strength in life’s trials for a little while longer so we may have joy in the day when we see Jesus more clearly.

Reflection Questions:

In this moment or season can you see God?  If so, how have you seen him? If not, pray that the words of this Scripture that in a little while (however long that may be) you will see Jesus just as he promised his disciples.

Are there areas of your life or our cultural moment you are grieving?  Is it possible that sitting with our grief, confessing to God and one another, might be a necessary step towards joy?  Even if this sounds hard or crazy, would you do it if Jesus asked you?

Reflection song.  It’s REAL good 🙂 LaShun Pace – I Know I’ve Been Changed

Christ’s love,

Alec

Reading: John 14:1-14, The Way, the Truth, and the Life

If you could ask Jesus one question right now, what would it be? That’s a tall order, for sure, but we have them, don’t we? They might be the kind of “why” questions we encountered yesterday- “why the virus?” “why my family?” “why is the world this way and not some other?” Or perhaps you are drawn to those questions much less angsty and existential; much more practical and grounded: “how should I spend my day?” “what effect will the fallout of the virus have on my plans next year?” “how can I get through another day stuck inside with these people?”

Thomas’ question in today’s text sounds an awful lot like our own: “Lord, how can we know the way?” The questions the disciples ask Jesus are filled with uncertainty, earnestness, curiosity, and deep practicality- they have followed Jesus, some of them for years, as he has healed, preached, and announced the coming of a new kind of kingdom, and now it’s coming to an end they cannot see. If Jesus were going away, and you did not know where, wouldn’t you want to know how to follow him?

But if we learn well that Jesus wants us to ask him questions- he welcomed Thomas’, didn’t he?- then let us learn all the more that he has given us an answer, and it is the same answer that he gave Thomas: I am the way, and the truth, and the life.

An oft-quoted line from The Fellowship of the Ring is appropriate here: “It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.” Or perhaps it’s ironic, given the current social distancing guidelines (in all seriousness, do stay home!). But the sentiment still fits: we do not know where following Jesus will take us. A life shaped by enemy-love, patience, reconciliation, truth-telling, preaching the good news to (and with) the poor, forgiveness, and worship of a new kind of King, will often take us where we never thought we would go. It will lead us outside the bounds of American values; it will take us across the lines of conservative and progressive ideologies (and back again, for all the Tolkien folks still with me); it will introduce us to friends we never thought we’d have; it may also produce enemies we never thought we’d make (you should bless them anyway, though). It may take us into assisted living facilities, onto welfare lines, into prisons, down roads we’ve been told are unsafe, or into homes we’ve been told are disreputable. It may take us, as it does in our current moment, back into our homes for the very sake of those we have been called to love.

We do not know where following Jesus will take us, but we know the way. He is the Way, and we must follow in it. Yesterday we spoke of worshiping Jesus; today we speak of following him. It will not be easy; it will mean giving up control, as he did. It will mean giving our lives away in love, as he did. It will mean suffering, as he did. It will mean taking up our crosses, as he did (he was actually pretty explicit about that one).

But what we know, what we have seen and what we testify to is this: this Way is the way to life.

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Reflection Questions

1. Do you identify more with Thomas here- curious, anxious, confused? Or with Phillip- confident (maybe overly so); perhaps often not totally aware of everything you, in fact, don’t know?
2. What questions do you have about this text? Where do you find comfort? Where do you find challenge?
3. Where is Jesus calling you to follow him in this current moment, even as we are physically restricted? Given that you, like so many others, are bound to a particular place, what is Jesus calling you to follow him in? Is it the way you are spending your time? Your thought patterns? Your attitude towards those in your immediate space? 
4. What “ways” are you asking God to make clear for you right now? Future jobs, opportunities, or financial situations? Potential crises, uncertainty or anxiety? Take five minutes right now and ask Jesus about these things, but once again, do not rush towards an answer- allow him to bring comfort to you here; consider the ways this passage may be speaking into that situation.

Reading: John 12.1-11, Jesus is Anointed at Bethany

A question that makes its way around seasons like these with alarming regularity is the question of “why?” That is, “Why is this happening?” “Why me?” “Why them, and not me?” The question of “why” is often put towards God in times of suffering and uncertainty. This is to be expected and totally appropriate: we assume, if anyone is to have answers, surely it must be God. And as quickly as difficult questions are asked in a time such as this, so too do we often provide quick and simple answers. In the midst of something as widespread and devastating as the coronavirus, we can rush to blame God, or to defend God; to blame people or to defend people. The question of “why” is a deeply relevant one right now, and I would encourage each of you to sit with it; do not rush to answers, especially those answers which seek not the truth, but only security.

Holy Week walks us into an even deeper whirlwind of “why?”- why did Jesus have to die? Why did Judas betray him? Why was this the kind of death he had to die? Here again, often we are offered a myriad of answers, some deeply matter of fact- Jesus upset the political order; he offended the religious establishment; so on. Some other answers are deeply theological- we often call these “atonement theories”- and some say that Jesus died to absorb the wrath of God against sinners; others say that Jesus died to defeat the power of sin and death; still others say that Jesus died as a demonstration of how far one must go in loving one’s enemies. Here again, my suggestion would be: do not rush to answers. Pray and meditate on the scriptures; talk about them in small groups; come to the Lord with and open mind and heart; study those who have already worked to interpret these texts.

So as you begin the walk towards the cross with Jesus this Holy Week, my encouragement to you would be this: do not rush to easy answers; walk patiently and slowly with the Gospel narratives throughout the week; do not blow past your questions, your own “why?”, but meditate on them, ask God about them, and wrestle with them. Our current moment has shown us plainly that easy answers will not do; neither will easy answers do as we walk with Jesus towards his crucifixion.

Before we rush to these different “why” questions, another “why” I was drawn to in the text above was “why do we worship?” Mary worshiped Jesus for a reason quite simple to understand: Jesus raised her brother Lazarus from the dead in chapter 11. She had experienced the power and compassion of the Father brought together firsthand in the person of Jesus. This extravagant worship, as Mary lavishly pours out perfume on his feet and dries them with her hair, is in response to this extravagant grace that Jesus has shown- in Alex’s words from last night, she has had “an encounter” and this encounter has led to worship. My question to you, then, is this: why do you worship Jesus? What has Jesus done for you that you could not do for yourself? What has drawn you to Jesus? Ask these questions frequently this week; chew on them, and give them time.

Questions for reflection from the text:

• Do you identify with Mary? Or does her display come across as “over the top” as it may have seemed in her day? Why or why not?
• Verse 8 can often strike some as harsh; how does it strike you? What follow-up questions would you ask Jesus about this verse? Pray those questions today.
• An echo of the question above: why do you worship Jesus? What has he done for you that you couldn’t do for yourself? Why have you chosen to follow Jesus with your whole life? 

Searching For the Daley (Dog): Caroline Coslow

Hello!

Hey!

What’s your name? 

Caroline.

What’s your full name?

Caroline Linea Coslow.

Linea… you told me a story about that once but I can’t remember it.

It’s Swedish but my name is spelled the Finnish way because I was born in Finland. But I’m Swedish so it’s the best of both worlds.

Caroline, what’s your favorite food?

Hot dogs. For Sure. Not even a question.

Gotcha. And the best hot dog in Chicago is… ?

There’s this place called Downtown Dogs off Fullerton. You get the Mayor Daley and it’s a char-dog with cheddar cheese, dijon mustard, and carmelized onions on a steamed bun.

That sounds perfect.

Yes.

How did you find Agape+Ecclesia?

I found it like everybody did- went to the org fair and got signed up, got the e-mails, and I went by myself one week. Then I kept coming forever.

Do you remember the first person you met?

The first person I met was Mike Moore.

When did you become a Christian?

I have been a Christian… basically my whole life. I grew up in the church. I remember sitting with my mom and giving my life to Christ one day randomly.

What draws you to Jesus?

I’d say the people and the community. 

What gives you hope?

I think it’s the same thing- the people and the community and the love that a community of believers has for each other.

I like that. What has God done for you that you couldn’t do for yourself?

I think he’s done everything for me that I couldn’t do for myself? I think back to so many different times where I was like “I don’t know anything- what I’m going to do next summer or next week” and it all works out. So, I think looking back, it’s just everything- I don’t think I could do anything on my own.

Why are you a Christian?

I read this question earlier and I wasn’t sure what to say, so I journaled about it. And I kind of put all my thoughts down. I think it’s a loaded question; I don’t think I have a perfect answer, and I don’t think I’ll ever have a perfect answer, but what immediately comes to mind is why I get out of bed every morning, and why I’m here right now. I don’t always get out of bed each morning until about noon some days but I get up and I have been set on this earth to be alive, and how can I not believe the only reason that I’m here is divine and from something much bigger than myself, molded by the perfect and immaculate love of God? I’m not saying that I’m perfect or that things aren’t always great, because they aren’t, but I guess what I’m saying is that being a Christian to me is that on days that are filled with anxiety or the unknown or painful hurt by those I love, or days I feel “blegh” for no reason at all, I wake up and I get out of bed. I’m submerged with a community and a love and a holy kingdom that fills me with immense joy and gratitude that will often bring me to tears. There are days where I doubt everything, but I get to take those doubts to a God who shuts them down through roommates that will talk to me, pastors that will pray for me, fellow leaders who support me, friends who I can have great conversations with, talented musicians who I think are a great gift to the church, books that are recommended to me by mentors, nature and a huge lake down the street that makes me feel at peace, and so much more.

Is there a book/movie/artist/musician/etc that you think everyone should be aware of?

I have a very interesting taste in music. I love the Chainsmokers, but I’m not as basic as people think. I’m also a big reader and I think my favorite book is Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen. I got that recommended by Mike Moore and I recommend it to everyone now. 

Any closing words of wisdom?

It’s important not to take things too seriously. If you’re not having fun and loving what you’re doing, you’re doing something wrong. You just have to have fun and not be so serious all the time.

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Bring Back Bearded Mike 2020: Shawn Wallace

Yo.

Hey hey.

What’s your name?

My name is Shawn Wallace.

What’s your full name?

(reluctant sigh)…Rashawn Martel Wallace

What is your favorite, briefest joke?

I’d have to go with the old classic dad joke: What do you call a dog magician?

What?

A labra-cadabra-dor

Solid. Shawn, how did you find A+E?

I was looking for a church group when I showed up my freshman year, and I went to the org fair and I was pleasantly surprised to find one. I went to the first Wednesday and Sunday night service, and I’ve been coming back ever since.

Do you remember the first person you met?

I believe it was Nwakaego’s sister, Oguguam, at the org fair. At the first Agape, I don’t remember- I just remember seeing Mike Moore’s beard.

Mike had a great beard.

Always

We’ll try to get that back one day. When did you become a Christian?

I’d say I truly became a Christian my senior year in high school, but I’ve been in church since I was born- I was raised in the church with my mom and my brothers.

What draws you to Jesus?

Aw man. What doesn’t at this point? Life experiences have taught me that the only way through life is with Jesus- the love that he brings, the community that he brings, the forgiveness that he brings, the Christlike loving mentality he has. There has been a lot of talk about a recent passed former basketball player’s life referencing “Mamba mentality” and I like to think of “Christ mentality” and how we can further exemplify what that means to be a true follower of Christ. As a short answer, it’s his love.

What draws you into the community?

The community. It’s hard to find a space like this on campus- truly be yourself, loved by everybody, and one central idea that brings all of you together and holds you together. I feel like that is there every single week, on Wednesdays and Sundays, it’s there and I love having that feeling around.

Do you remember the last time you laughed really hard?

Uhhh…well if you don’t know me, I like to laugh quite a bit. It’s hard to gauge them- a big laugh to where I couldn’t breathe? I went to the Second City performers last weekend with a friend, and that was the best laugh I’ve had in a while.

So Rashawn Martel Wallace…

Geez

…formally endorses the Second City players. You heard it here first. Take that iO act down the road.

(laughs) that doesn’t count as a big laugh. That’s a chuckle.

A very charitable chuckle, too. Is there a comedian you think everyone should know about?

If we’re talking in terms of knowing because they bring actual meat to the community, with the jokes being intelligent and having meaning, I would say Dave Chappelle. He touches on a lot of topics that are hard to talk about in many different settings, but that’s what comedy allows us to do. He’s hilarious but also touches on things that people need to talk about. If we’re talking about sheer terms of funny, I have to go with my man, Kevin Hart. I love him. He’s made mistakes and learned from them every time.

I like Kevin Hart. Any closing words of wisdom?

Do what you love. At the end of the day, you won’t be really happy living for someone else unless it’s Jesus. He will never steer you to a wrong place. As long as you’re following him, doing what you love and surrounded by good people, you can’t go wrong. Go love life and everyone around you.

What’s your name?

Kendelle. Polsley.

What’s your middle name?

Charis.

I didn’t know that- that’s cool. Describe your perfect meal.

My go-to perfect meal is my mother’s homemade chicken soup that has all this random vegetables in it from our Mexican market. Then you put avocado and cilantro in it and salsa in it, and then they have this amazing fresh bread from the Mexican market, although I actually go with the chips because the bread is glutenous.

Is there a dessert with that?

Churros. Of course.

Obvi.

Obvi.

How did you find Agape/Ecclesia?

A lady from my church worked for Intervarsity and knew Taylor Norris. She emailed me Taylor’s info, and then I heard from Taylor about org fair. I went and saw the “We heart Jesus/We heart you” signs and I met Blythe right away. I went to Agape and fell in love with everyone and the rest is history.

What continues to draw you in?

I know you’ve heard this several times, but there is something so unique about Agape/Ecclesia that is so different from other campus ministries that I’ve witnessed. I think it’s the tangible love in our community. I experienced that from day one. That only increased through my personal trials, my suffering; I just felt like I could see Jesus as I was talking to all of these amazing people. That’s an experience I’ve never had and something I hold on to.

Why are you a Christian?

Why not? Take a crazy chance, why not do a crazy dance.

I honestly can’t imagine my life not as a Christian. Not only have I grown up in the church, but it’s a part of who I am. I have had moments where I wanted to walk away, but that’s pointless. We are created to worship God and if we’re not worshiping God, what is the point of life?

What draws you to Jesus?

I love Jesus

Who doesn’t?

I thought you said who does.

No.

One of the biggest things which has been constant over the past four years is that no matter how far I am from Jesus, he’s always drawing near to me. Even if I don’t want to draw near to Jesus, he’s there. His love. Jesus. Period.

How have you experienced that recently?

One time I packed up the car and went on a road trip to Tennessee. I hiked roughly 7,000 feet up Mt. Lacontte- I didn’t know it would be that steep. Once we got to the top and we were watching the sunset over the Smoky Mountains, it was just breath-taking. You can’t explain it- you have to experience it to understand. I was basically crying up there- there were people up there drinking whiskey, they were offering us whiskey. I declined, even though it was cold, because you shouldn’t take whiskey from strangers. Stranger danger. Anyway, as I was looking out, I had this moment where I thought “wow, this is so beautiful. God created this.” And then when I thought about the fact that God created us, I can’t comprehend how God feels towards us- “I created that; I love that; I love Kendelle.” That was a profound moment of that trip- realizing that I am so small in this big world and God still knows me intimately.

What has God done for you that you couldn’t do for yourself?

Everything. Do you want a list? I mean, I was born. The majority of my faith journey, though, was in college- the big things happened in college. Getting through these four years without God would have been impossible. Even my freshman year, I was on the edge of dropping out because I was in so much pain. Same thing sophomore year, and then with my surgery- I wanted to take a semester off. Without Christ through the community and Christ’s strength in my, I feel like I would have gone to a really dark place. Not to say that I didn’t go through depression or anxiety, but it could have been a hundred times worse. God bringing me through college is something I couldn’t have done on my own. Oh! And climbing that mountain! Seriously! God was so present on that mountain.

What gives you hope?

This answer could be different depending on the season. My parents recently transferred job titles and now they oversee a dozen or so adult rehab centers in the Midwest. These centers have programs for any man or woman in addiction. They go through a nine-month program and end up being a part of the church. I never thought a lot about it because I grew up with it being a big part of our church, but over Christmas I went to a service at a rehab center in Detroit. We had all these former rock stars and broadway producers who got caught up in drugs and went through the program. Now they’re clean but they stick in the church. They are using their amazing gifts to glorify God. It was incredible to see how God transformed their lives. Those kinds of stories give me hope. A lot of these folks come off the streets and are caught up in addiction, and they are the people that are often looked down upon the most, but those are the people that Jesus sits with. That gives me a lot of hope.

Is there a book you think everyone should read?

I have a list of books that I’m taking to Malaysia- I haven’t read any of them yet, but I’m gonna steal Emma’s author, Sarah Bessey and tell everyone they should read her books even though I haven’t read them. Only because Emma speaks so highly of her and at the women’s retreat, she gave a talk about going through Bessey’s book and I think it transformed the way a lot of us look at Godly, spiritual relationships.

Any parting words of wisdom?

There’s this quote and it goes like this: “Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then you get eaten by worms. Be glad it happens in that order.” My dad used this in a sermon once- he talked about hardships and the pain of life, but at the end he said, “Life is hard; you need Jesus.” That’s my parting word.